Wouldn’t life feel easier if we could instantly spot toxic people… or avoid them altogether? The reality is, it’s not always that simple.
Toxic people can show up in different areas of life, within families, friendships, or even in the workplace. And sometimes, completely avoiding them just isn’t possible.
If you’ve ever felt drained, on edge, or emotionally impacted after spending time with someone, you’re not alone. This is something many people bring into counselling in Doncaster and beyond, trying to understand how to manage difficult relationships without losing themselves in the process.
You Can’t Control Them. But You Can Control Your Response
One of the most important things to understand is this:
You cannot control toxic people, but you can control how you respond to them.
This can feel challenging at first, especially if you’re used to taking things personally or trying to “fix” situations.
In therapy in Doncaster and online, we often explore how much energy is spent trying to manage other people’s behaviour, and how shifting that focus back onto yourself can feel empowering.
The Power of Emotional Detachment
A key part of dealing with toxic behaviour is learning how to create a healthy level of emotional detachment.
This doesn’t mean becoming cold or shutting down.
It means recognising that:
- Not everything said to you is a reflection of you
- Their behaviour often comes from their own experiences or struggles
- You don’t have to internalise their words or actions
When you begin to detach in a healthy way, you create space between their behaviour and your emotional response.
Through integrative therapy, we work on building this awareness so you can respond more calmly and confidently, rather than reacting automatically.
Becoming More Aware of How You Feel
Toxic relationships often leave clues, not always in what is said, but in how you feel.
Ask yourself:
- How do I feel after spending time with this person?
- Do I feel anxious, drained, or criticised?
- Am I changing my behaviour around them?
You might notice that you become quieter, more withdrawn, or even try to adapt who you are to avoid conflict or gain approval.
This is where self-awareness becomes really important.
In CBT therapy, we look at how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are connected, helping you understand why you respond the way you do in certain relationships.
Are You Holding Onto Something That No Longer Serves You?
Sometimes, we stay in relationships out of habit, history, or a sense of obligation, even when they no longer feel healthy.
It might be a long-term friendship or a family dynamic that feels difficult to step away from.
Being curious about this is a powerful first step.
You don’t have to make immediate decisions, but you can begin to reflect on whether the relationship is adding to your wellbeing or taking away from it.
Setting Boundaries That Protect You
Boundaries are not about controlling other people, they’re about protecting your own wellbeing.
This might look like:
- Saying no to things that don’t feel right
- Limiting how often you see or speak to someone
- Choosing not to engage in certain conversations
- Prioritising your own needs and self-care
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re not used to it.
But over time, it becomes a way of taking back control.
Through counselling in Doncaster, I support clients in building the confidence to set and maintain boundaries in a way that feels realistic and manageable.
When to Speak Up. And When to Step Back
If you feel safe and supported, you may choose to address the behaviour directly.
This could involve calmly explaining how the person’s actions or words make you feel.
However, not every situation allows for this — and that’s okay.
In some cases, the healthiest option is to step back, reduce contact, and focus on your own wellbeing.
A Note on Toxic vs Abusive Relationships
It’s important to recognise the difference between difficult or toxic behaviour and something more serious.
This blog is not about staying in an abusive situation.
If you feel that you are in an abusive relationship, emotionally, physically, or psychologically, it’s important to seek support from someone you trust or a professional service.
You don’t have to deal with that alone.
Counselling and Therapy in Doncaster
If you’re finding relationships difficult to manage, or you’re struggling with the emotional impact of others, support is available.
At Empower Me Therapy, I offer therapy in Doncaster, including face-to-face sessions, online therapy, and walk and talk therapy.
Using an integrative therapy approach, alongside elements of CBT therapy, we can work together to help you:
- Understand relationship patterns
- Build confidence in setting boundaries
- Improve your self-esteem
- Feel more in control of your emotional wellbeing
Take the First Step
Change doesn’t happen overnight, but small steps can make a big difference.
Toxic people may not disappear, but their hold on you can.
How will you start that shift today? Get in touch if you’d like to book a free 15 minute therapy consultation info@empowermetherapy.co.uk